Question: What do you think of my story? not complete just the beginning?
Chapter 1 What to do
The sun was shining like never before, it’s beautiful yellow light stroke my eyes and woke me up on 2 P.M, which meant mom and dad had woke up about 5 hours ago and went out to buy me school stuff and I am all alone, it was warm and perfect for a walk on the beach, but I wanted to do something more fun than just having a walk.
it’s 28th of august, the last day of school’s summer vacation, I still had one day of freedom so … what to do, two days later I should be back to studying and homework and the boring school routine you know, wakeup at six am, have a very healthy breakfast and rush to the school bus, 4 boring lessons, break to walk with friends and eat, 4 more boring lessons and finally home, lunch, homework, study and sleep, I really needed to make that day the best day I can ever have this year. And now I am in my PJ and still didn’t even wash my face
first, I have to put a schedule for what I am going to do today, oh no no no this is a bad idea, I am goanna have a –what to do- schedule for the rest of the year, I wanna be free with nothing telling me what to do, I just wanna do everything I’ll not be allowed to do for the rest of the year, that means I need to do the opposite of what I will be doing for the rest of the year, so I am goanna start my day with a very unhealthy breakfast, mmm… let me think, black Nescafe instead of milk, brownies instead of pan cakes, Oh yea.”
Then I realized OMG I forgot the most important thing of all. .. And the most annoying of course it’s that I will have to wake up at 6 a.m. so now... I’ll have some more sleep. Fluffy pillow check... AC on check... curtains closed… check.
And finally in bed mmm it is so comfortable and quiet! Well… not so quiet now. My cell phone is ringing oh do I have to pick up? My bed is too comfy to leave but okay I am getting up... I am getting up ohhh this is so hard! I just won’t reply. Wait!! That’s my BFF’’s ringtone I can’t just ignore her. Okay and here I am out of y bed in my pink slippers and my hair screwed up. Hold on... Till I reach my cell phone Mika! I don’t have credit to call back .The sound stopped and I got really upset I couldn’t talk to my BFF she must have needed something. All because my mother insists on keeping my cell phone away from me so it doesn’t cause me brain damage while I actually know that standing in front of the microwave is more dangerous but she says it takes less than 30 seconds to finish cooking and it won’t even have time cause her damage.
I got dressed in my most casual outfit a sweat shirt and skinny jeans, walked out the door and walked to Mika’s house though it’s not that close to my house and not fast to reach on foot but Mika doesn’t like getting ignored and that’s the only thing I can do to show her that I didn’t mean to ignore her.
I checked my watch and saw it was 3:30 which means I would be having lunch with Mika if I got to her place in less than 15 minutes and I’d love to eat her mother’s delicious food. And it would be best if she’s cooking traditional food today because they are originally Greek so they cook really nice meals. I arrived at Mika’s and knocked the door and I couldn’t smell any food at all… I knocked the door for like 10 minutes just to avoid ringing the bell because I don’t want to disturb her father as I know he’s now napping… but I had to use the bell so DING DONG and her father opens the door!!! My face turned as yellow as a lemon when I saw her father awake probably because of me but strangely he wasn’t upset, or at least not upset from me because he didn’t shout at me at all and didn’t speak nervously he just said : “ … come in” I was shocked but happy that Mr.Macartney was in a good mood…but this still means there’s something wrong but unfortunately her mother wasn’t! Mrs. Macartney was sitting on that old sofa in their living room the one I always sit on when I come to meet Mika, she was crying like I never saw her before, that woman had beautiful sparkling eyes and pink cheeks and always had a smile on her face but at this moment the area below her eyes was really dark like she hasn’t slept for a month and tears were coming out of her eyes like rain in the winter I was freaked out and asked “what’s wrong?” she looked at me sadly and said :” your friends is missing” then burst out crying again.
Chapter 2
Still…What to do?
I was shocked and started for a moment till I realized what she said then I quickly got my hand in my pocket and got my cell phone out, opened the missed calls list and checked Mika’s missed call it was at 2:23, I got dizzy and had very bad ideas in my mind “ what if she was kidnapped and if I had picked up I would have known where she is (plz see my next question for the rest which is not much)
Relation Questions:
Answer:
Well it would be much easier to read if you used proper grammar. It makes me wonder how serious you are. Your tense is all over the place. Pick one and stick to it.
Waking up and sun shining are not the hook you want and you're starting with an extreme run on sentence. Getting ready for the first day of school (any mention if it) is pretty overdone right now as well. Start it with what's going to change for the character.
Good luck.