Question: What Do You Think of My Story?
Alright, so this is the first two-and-a-half pages of my Story. Please give as much criticism as you want.
Chapter One:
So here I was at school yet again, the first day of my sophomore year. My I-Pod headphones were crammed in my ears to block out the complete chaos that surrounded me at Imperial High, the private school everyone dreads to return to. As the yellow monster pulls up to the school, I see the purple and gold sign that reads in large letters “IMPERIAL HIGH SCHOOL” and then under the school’s name in small letters, it reads, “HOME OF THE IMPERIAL ROMANS”.
Great. Of course I had to return from beautiful Oregon from visiting my extending family and returning back to the bustling streets of New York, New York.
“Hear We Go Again” by Paramore was blasting in my eardrums on the crowded bus. The bus made a screeching halt as we all stood up. Everyone rushed into the isle trying to be first off the bus; afraid they would be trampled if they were in the middle. I just waited until the last person passed by my and I casually walked behind him. I got off the bus and stood there for a minuet trying to find at least one of my friends, preferably Damien Scarborough, my best friend since second grade. I hadn’t talked to Damien since the last day of school last year. We would’ve seen each other over the summer, but Damien had to go to England for one of his father’s business trips.
I looked around everywhere for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I decided to go into the school. Damien was probably waiting for me at my locker. I turned my I-Pod down so low I could just barley hear to try to pick up on other people’s conversations.
Although I know eavesdropping is bad, how could I help myself? I hadn’t seen these people for three months and here at Imperial High, nothing is normal.
Today was different though. No one was talking about summer or the hot parties that everyone was invited to…if you were popular. All I heard was, “Oh my God! Did you read Breaking Dawn? Oh my God, it was so great!” and “…Have you seen the guy that’s going to play Edward in the Twilight movie? Oh my God he is so hot! And how could I forget about Jacob?”
God, I thought. Why is everyone so obsessed with Twilight? It’s not that special. Although I also enjoyed Twilight, everything had begun to go a bit overboard. Twilight t-shirts, posters, a movie! What was going to be next, life size mannequins of Edward and Bella?
To escape the constant rants about Twilight, I turned the music back up again and walked through the huge glass doors.
As soon as I was inside, I sprinted down to the east wing of the school to my locker. Half way down the hall, I stopped dead in my tracks. I quickly snatched the headphones out of my ears
****! I thought. First day of school and it’s ruined. Why did they east wing’s janitor’s closet need to be closed down due to a toxic leak last year?
I had no where to run, the closest janitor’s closet was in the southern wing and that would take me at least five minuets to run to- I didn’t have that much time. What was I to do? Just stand here and act like I don’t see her or try my hardest to make it to the janitor’s closet? I guess I could just stay there, it wouldn’t matter that much.
But her, Kylie Therston, a junior, hated me so much. The best thing to do was just stick up whatever she had coming to me.
Just then, Kylie came up to me and stopped, putting her bony arm on her tiny waist and Darius, Kylie’s younger brother in my sophomore class and nicknamed the grey-eyed Edward Cullen for his looks and charms, followed her with a look of displeasure on his face.
“Well, well, well. Look whom we have here. It’s little miss Ember Stapleton.” Kylie said with a snicker.
“Nice to see you too, Kylie,” I responded, biting my tongue from what I was truly Thinking.
“So, Ember, where is your little friend, you know, Damien?”
“I don’t know. He may still be in London.”
“Hm… Really now, what would he be doing there?”
“Does it matter?”
“Not at all. Now, I need to get going. I have a lot of catching up to do. Buh-bye!” Kylie said as she flipped her bleach blonde hair and walked away while Darius stayed behind.
“Hey, sorry about Kylie. She misses our vacation home in France too much.” Darius said.
“It’s alright. I’m used to Kylie being like this,” I hastily replied, having to tilt my head upward so I wasn’t look at his shoulders. Unlike his sister, Darius had beautiful shaggy, gold colored hair and brilliant grey eyes that almost looked like an extremely light shade of blue in the right light.
“Yeah, but still. She shouldn’t treat people like that as much. Oh, and Damien is in the cafeteria. He pulled me over and told me to find you, he seems to be really anxious, not sure why, but you should go talk to him.”
“Sure thing. Thanks for telling me.”
“No problem,” Darius shouted behind his back as he ran off as he hear
Relation Questions:
Answer:
Ooh... sounds good so far.
lol twilight obsessers...
i like it! do you have more? if you do can you pleaseee send it to me @
sammyh001(at)gmail(dot)com
have to be careful of those spammers....
I like it so far, although i can't say too much since the conflict isn't unveiled yet, but its a really good start. i like the twilight comments (exactly how I feel). The details are just right, there is enough to pull the reader in but it doesn't go overboard. I'd read it
It's sounds reallly good! I actually want to read the rest...darn cliffhangers. I've always hated those! Other than that I loved it