Question: Is this written correctly?
Just as Jonathan was opening the car doors the taxi driver shouted. "Hey! This is only twelve dollars!" Jonathan had hoped he would've been able to leave the scene before the driver had noticed. He ignored the driver and continued to get out of the car. He opened the door and placed one foot on the sidewalk while at the same time reaching into his left jacket pocket for his cigarettes. As he stepped outside he could hear the front door on the other side of the car open. "Hey, boy! Where do you think you're going?" the man said. The taxi driver was a short, round man. He had a very round appearance in general, especially his head. He looked like a insecure bully from elementary school, with his curly hair that was sticking out from underneath his his 1960s style, gray cap. His angry face made him look silly, it looked deformed. Jon just stood there as the man hurried around the back of the car, placing his hand on the trunk as if he was pulling himself forward. Jonathan pulled out a cigarette from his pack of "One Shots" and placed it between his lips. "You owe me six dollars mister!" the driver said, now standing in front of him.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a miscalculation," Jonathan responded as he let a smug grin cross his face. They were standing a couple of blocks away from the Dandelar Club. Jonathan never let anyone see him enter, some of his contacts would not take kindly to knowing about his addiction. If they saw him buying weed from the "guy on the corner" they probably wouldn't care, but P-18, that was something else. Jonathan was looking down on the short man. The improvised, forced anger amused him greatly.
"You better have! Now pay up! So I can get out of here." the man continued.
"Fine," Jonathan said, opening his wallet that he still had in his left hand. He looked down, *128 dollars. He didn't have enough to pay the driver if he wanted his weekly fix, which he couldn't live without. He stared into the drivers eyes for a moment, thinking about the possible outcomes of his next action. He quickly made up his mind and made a quick turn and started running towards the club.
*"128 dollars" is suppose to be itallic.
Your passage is quite well written! I forgot I was reading something on Yahoo! Answers and want to know where Jonathan goes from here. Bravo.
*Two minor nits, one structural, the other related to plot:
- His angry face made him look silly, it looked deformed. op/ed: would scratch final three words in previous: unnecessary.
- A fix costs exactly $128? I don't know much, if-anything, about the "business" but it seems an odd number...so to speak.