Question: How to get over a terrible childhood?
my father had a short, violent temper. he'd beat my sisters on any and every occaision, but not me. i'd watch and think today she will die from this beating. because i was a child who didnt know any better. weekends, holidays, birthdays, summer vacations, every single year of my life all of these were hacked to pieces with his anger and mood swings. my mother was a hapless drama queen who couldnt stand up to him, but after he'd walk out of the house following one of his rages, she would lecture us kids on why we couldnt be more 'good' and not piss him off. these lectures sometimes lasted 3 hours and were directly after his beatings. she used us to vent about her life and how sad HER life was. she was stuck i can see that now, but a hug would have helped. it never came.
i never disclosed my childhood trauma to friends, i was fiercely private and wanted to appear 'normal'. but my grades, choice of friends suffered. i was a rebel, a lazy student. no one at home cared what grades i got.
i was always scared of authority, and was a very tense and unhappy child. i'd be the child at a park or swimming pool seeing other happy families and wishing i could walk over and join them for life. i also wished my father dead many many times.
i battled low self esteem, insecurity over my looks, myself, and went thru years of poor relationships with men getting my self-respect whipped with terrible choices trying to work out the issues i'd been dealt with.
today i am in my 30's and have come thru well i think. i have a most amazing and supportive husband and i have regained my self-esteem and respect thru some serious introspective thinking and faith! i'm very happy with my life right now.
but i dont know what to do with these memories.
dont get me wrong, i'm not morose or depressed but a big chunk of my life was spent quivering at my father's footsteps and that has left its mark. i see my husband being a wonderful father to my baby girl and its bittersweet. i wish i'd had that. just random stuff like that.
having a child has brought back many sad memories. how do i deal with it? its not to the point that it disturbs my working life, but i dont quite know where to put this chest of memoires. its a part of me, and i dont know how to look at it from a distance. i havent learned that yet. i know others have been thru worse. but to those who have had a happy childhood, you dont know how terribly scarred you get from an unhappy one.
i have reconnected with a lot of friends from facebook and they are largely successful and are so well educated, in amazing jobs. because i was never self motivated and too busy battling inner problems, studies was never an issue. i am a very intelligent person, and i feel my childhood came in the way of a life that could have been more purposefully used. i could have studied something, been someone too. :( i am a very satisfied stay at home mom, but sometimes i do think, what if i'd also been supported and guided at home? where would i have been today? i wonder what i could have become.
these thoughts make me sad on some days.... please help me with whatever advise you can give on how i can be a happier person, taking my childhood with me and being at peace with it. thanx.
Relation Questions:
Answer:
I think you should realize.. as bad as your childhood was.. it's done.. and it's never going to happen to you ever again.. and now all you can do is give your daughter what you never got.. not wanting anything to do with what's happened. Because what's done is done.. and those horrible MEMORIES might be on the edge of your thoughts.. but those things won't ever happen again. Everyone grows up in different ways, and you realized the things that were wrong from the start and you dealt with them in your own way and juust stop letting them come in the way of teh life you have going for you because you're doing really well right now. You're done with school and those rebelious years.. just put it all behind you.. where it belongs and focus on the present.
I hope that was helpful =\
I had a very terrible childhood as well. My father was a violent alcoholic
and almost killed me a few times. My Mother had a mental disorder. I had a lot of pain and childhood trauma. My Mom died when I was 17 and my Father when I was 25. I was the kind of girl that was looking for love in all the wrong places and with the wrong men. I was so depressed that I wanted to kill myself. Until I ran into a friend of mine that told me about Jesus. It wasn't until I gave my life over to Christ and started having that relationship with Jesus that I could overcome the pain of my past. Jesus died on the cross for you to redeem you from ever being separated from Him. He did that because He loves you. A friend of mine told me about Joyce Meyer Ministries and her book called Beauty For Ashes. In her book, she details her past of sexual abuse and all of her emotional pain and how Christ set her free. Before Christ, I had no hope. I thought things could never change. Jesus gave me a brand new life. I'm full of God's peace and joy every day. I have hope to my future. I never thought I'd ever be happy and hopeful. I highly recommend reading Joyce Meyer's book, Beauty For Ashes. You'll be in my prayers and if you need anything, feel free to contact me.